{"id":3475,"date":"2021-03-09T19:35:00","date_gmt":"2021-03-10T03:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/queersatanic.com\/?p=3475"},"modified":"2021-03-09T19:35:00","modified_gmt":"2021-03-10T03:35:00","slug":"what-is-lawful-is-irrelevant-to-what-is-good-and-detestable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/?p=3475","title":{"rendered":"What is lawful is irrelevant to what is good \u2014 and detestable"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Tumblr @literallyaflame<\/strong>
not to hop in on the Hottest Discourse but:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

age gaps aren\u2019t inherently bad between adults, but they are incredibly suspect in instances where one party has significantly more agency and experience due to their age. a thirty year old dating a forty year old, for instance, isn\u2019t all that big a deal. but an eighteen year old should be VERY suspicious of a thirty year old wanting to get with them. they\u2019ve had twelve years to establish themselves as an adult. an eighteen year old has had maybe a few months to do so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i\u2019m saying this as a person who briefly dated a thirty year old at age 19 (it wasn\u2019t good lol), and also as a person with happily married parents who have a 12 year age gap. the difference is that my mom was in her thirties when she met my dad; she\u2019d had plenty of time to find a career and a name for herself in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

stay safe, love urself, try to make good decisions but don\u2019t beat yourself up if you\u2019ve ever been the victim of an unbalanced or abusive relationship<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tumblr @brujahinaskirt<\/strong>
I need yall to understand that healthy 30 year olds look at 19-year-olds and see kids. Not in a demeaning way \u2013 but in a way that automatically removes that 19-year-old from romantic consideration. And even if you \u201clook very mature for your age,\u201d a healthy 30 year old will learn you are 19 and back out of that crush at 90 mph no matter how good your contour game is.<\/p>\nSource<\/a><\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For consent, power matters a lot, and having years-more of adult, autonomous experience over another person \u2014 and likely the privileges of autonomy that experience brings \u2014 is a critical form of power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is why, below a certain age, we talk about assent<\/em> but not consent<\/em>. It’s why older people who care about these things know how to swerve much younger people even if they’re initially attracted to them, just like responsible sober people swerve someone when they realize that person is drunk or is going through a mental health crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s not about what the law says or a person can expect to get away with; it’s about recognizing that power imbalances change what a relationship can be, precluding the sort that involve peers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This all extends to lots of other areas: a supervisor, a landlord, a teacher, wealth; but because of the way our society is structured at present, age tends to correlate heavily with a lot of these other dynamics in addition to just having practice manipulating others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The liminal space of adolescence is not matched by the law with its sudden divisions of “adulthood”, and the fact that the law justifies some abominable thing should mean nothing to anyone who doesn’t worship the state.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tumblr @literallyaflamenot to hop in on the Hottest Discourse but: age gaps aren\u2019t inherently bad between adults, but they are incredibly suspect in instances where one party has significantly more agency and experience due to their age. a thirty year old dating a forty year old, for instance, isn\u2019t all that big a deal. but…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[896,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-legalism","category-memes"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3475","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3475"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3475\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3475"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3475"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/qs.gehenna.ynh.fr\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3475"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}